Adam & Steve (2005, U.S.)

This really could have been a great movie. But it wasn't. Two guys meet each other in the 1980s and have a very unfortunate one night stand. They meet again 20 years later without recognizing each other and fall in love. They have to deal with all kinds of gay-bashing in addition to their complicated feelings for each other. Realizing that they met all those years ago only makes things worse.

There are a lot of the kind of jokes I don't like—fat jokes, bathroom-type jokes, and even some gay jokes, which is especially odd considering that the movie is seemingly pro-gay. I did like that they tried to make movie that portrayed gay marriage in such a positive way, but they just made it too lowbrow.

The absolute best, most wonderful thing about it was an extended scene where a bunch of gay men dressed up in jeans, flannel, and cowboy boots and hats and did an extended country western dance. Priceless.

Rating: 1.5

The Messengers (2007, U.S.)

This movie was shockingly identical to Cold Creek Manor. A family moves from the city (Chicago) to the country (a sunflower farm in North Dakota). They have a daughter (played by Kristen Stewart again) and a younger son. The house is creepy, and something is obviously not right. Then a handyman shows up, and their luck seems to be turning around.

The major difference was that this movie had a supernatural element that the other lacked... and it was awful. It was really creepy, but it was pretty predictable. They used crows pretty well, but at the same time this seemed like a pretty cliché horror tool.

The best part about this movie was Kristen Stewart, of course. She's great at the troubled teen who's made some mistakes but is a great big sister and an honest person. She is also great at acting terror.

Perhaps I would have liked it more if I hadn't just seen Cold Creek Manor. Or if the ending wasn't so cheesy. But too bad, I did, and it was.

Rating: 2.0

Penelope (2006, UK)

This was one of the stranger movies I've seen recently. Christina Ricci is Penelope, a girl whose family is cursed. Consequently, she has a pig snout. She needs to find someone of her own class (rich, of course) who loves her in order to break the curse, but every man who sees her runs screaming from the house. That is until she meets Max, who's lost his family inheritance and goes to meet her because a crooked newspaperman wants a story. Somehow he manages to never see her, and they form a bond. Things go sour, and Penelope runs away from home.

This is a really cute movie about falling in love for what's on the inside and finding yourself despite the interference of everyone in your life. Ricci is adorable—as is McAvoy. And I always, always love Catheine O'Hara as the neurotic mother. Reese Witherspoon, who produced this movie, also makes a brief appearance as a tough girl who befriends Penelope.

Really fun, really sweet. I think it would be a good movie for tweens.

Rating: 3.5

Baby on Board (2009, U.S.)

I have only ever seen one Heather Graham movie that I liked (Killing Me Softly—and that was largely thanks to Joseph Fiennes). This one might have been the absolute worst.

The concept was good. A perfume designer creates a perfume for pregnant women to smell sexy to their husbands. Meanwhile, she and her husband find themselves pregnant unexpectedly. Because of a miscommunication, he thinks she's cheated on him and it isn't his, and they don't talk for the duration of her pregnancy. A large part of this is due to his friend, who is a complete scumbag who cheats on his wife regularly and is exactly the kind of guy you instinctively hate.

Clearly, it's supposed to be funny. But men being stereotypical pigs, sex jokes, fat jokes, and other jokes in bad taste made it a horrible, horrible movie. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone.

Rating: 1.5

No One Can Hear You (2001, U.S.)

I decided to watch this movie because it featured Kieren Hutchinson, a Kiwi actor I've seen once or twice and found quite adorable. It also stars Barry Corbin, a truly iconic actor. Of course, I'm not big into horror, but I figured I'd branch out.

The first night I started to watch it, I had to turn it off. Living alone in a very dark area across from a cemetery is not so bad on a normal day, but horror movies are not a good addition to this scenario. The opening credits are the scariest part. They show someone's darkroom, red light and eerie photos everywhere, while someone whispers, "True love never dies" in a voice that truly makes your skin crawl.

The rest was not so scary. Essentially, a bunch of suburban families with teenage daughters kept being found dead all together, decapitated. It seems to echo a crime that happened 15 years earlier. The local news reporter's daughter fears she will be next. The filmmakers work so hard to make you believe the killer is one person that it's incredibly clear that it's someone else.

It amazes me that a movie can be so horribly written with a completely nonsensical plot and yet still be so incredibly predictable. Terrible.

Rating: 2.0

RocknRolla (2008, UK)

I don't know why I insist on continuing to watch British crime comedies when I rarely end up liking them. Oh way, yes I do. Snatch—Brad Pitt. Layer Cake—Daniel Craig. RocknRolla—Gerard Butler. I'm a sucker for those British men, even if the movie isn't my favorite genre.

I can see why people who like this type of film would like it. It had some pretty extreme shoot outs and disgusting intimations of violence (such as dipping people in pools of man-eating crawfish). There were also some pretty funny lines, but not really my kind of funny.

Mostly I spent the whole movie confused about who was doing what and why, and whose relationships were what and why... and, of course, how sexy Gerard Butler is, even as a gangster!

Even though I'm giving it the same rating as Snatch, I believe I liked it quite a bit more. The twist at the end was especially awesome.

Rating: 2.5

Cold Creek Manor (2003, U.S.)

I've become a huge Kristen Stewart fan recently, so I decided to try out this movie even though it's not my usual fare. I have to say, I was pretty impressed. This movie was creepy.

A couple and their two children move from Manhattan to upstate New York. They move into a house they bought at auction; the previous occupants had gone bankrupt. The father, a documentary filmmakers, begins working on a film about the previous occupants. But weird things start happening in the house. Snake infestations, a dead horse. It is terrifying, especially because you know who is responsible the entire time, yet the family remains clueless.

They send their children home to protect them, and as the suspense builds and it becomes clearer to them what's going on, my skin just kept crawling. The final confrontation is something else—although very cliché, as it occurs at night during a thunderstorm.

Sharon Stone and Dennis Quaid are very good actors, and the chemistry and marital tension between the two was great. And of course, Kristen Stewart was fabulous. Christopher Plummer was very convincing as an old, senile man. But it was Stephen Dorff, who I've never even heard of, who stole the show. He played very sketchy white trash to a T.

I wish I remembered the music more clearly, because I noticed later that the director also composed the score. Interesting.

Anyway, this is a great movie if you want to be super creeped out!

Rating: 3.5

Ring of the Nibelungs (2004, Germany)

This was definitely an interesting movie. It's based on the Norse myth that inspired Tolkien to write Lord of the Rings, apparently. (One notable difference, however, is that women play a much more prominent role in this film.)

There were some very interesting elements here. Star-crossed lovers, dragons, magical helms, deception, sword fights. It has some very dark, obviously Norse concepts. For instance, the hero slays a dragon and bathes in its blood, which makes him invincible in battle—at least everywhere the blood has touched.

I really liked it on one level. As I said, there were some very interesting elements, and it's just the kind of thing that Lord of the Rings fans or fans of Arthurian myth would enjoy. I really loved the music too. It opened with something that sounded almost like modern Scandinavian pop. Then it had a lot of beautiful slow songs and impressive epic songs. However, overall it was overly melodramatic in a lot of places (perhaps partially because of some overacting), and some plot points just didn't connect well.

It might be worth trying, if you're interested in this type of thing. Very neat, but overdone.

Rating: 2.5

Hook (1991, U.S.)

I am a huge Peter Pan fan. I like the old Mary Martin version, I like the Disney cartoon version, I like the 2003 version (with Jason Isaacs as Hook!), I like Finding Neverland... I just love Peter Pan. I've never seen Hook, however. (I remember something about it being inappropriate for children, and I wouldn't have been allowed to watch it.)

On one hand, I thought the concept of this film was pretty interesting. Peter Pan finds something worth leaving Neverland for, grows up, has his own children. On the other hand, I don't think that scenario is consistent with the Pan character. And even if it was, I don't think he ever would have become a high powered corporate executive. Because of this, none of the rest of the film fell into place.

I did love Maggie Smith as Granny Wendy, and the concept of her becoming a rescuer of orphans. She was great. However, I've never really cared for Robin Williams, and I didn't like his Pan. And while I do like Dustin Hoffman, he just isn't a hook, like Cyril Richards or Jason Isaacs. Lastly, the Lost Boys just aren't the loveable, adventurous, stereotypical boys they are in other versions, with the exception of one or two of them. Mostly they were a rude mass, rather than adorable individuals.

The last thing I wanted to mention was the music. The whole time, I kept thinking it sounded familiar. This is usually a good sign that I know the composer. However, when it sounds this familiar, it's usually a good sign that John Williams did the composing. Well, surprise surprise, he did! Which explains why it sometimes sounded like the mischievous music from Home Alone and sometimes like the more mystical themes from Star Wars. Still, it was pretty good music for Neverland. (Though nothing can touch the score written by James Newton Howard for the 2003 version.)

To summarize, my general reaction to this movie was "Eh." A swing and a miss for Spielberg, I'd say.

Rating: 2.5

Speak (2004, U.S.)

I feel like I am always saying this, but anyone who underestimates Kristen Stewart is an idiot. I have never seen this more clearly proven then watching this film, in which she plays a high school freshman who was raped. She can't speak about it, and becomes selectively mute. Meanwhile, her friends turn against her, her parents don't understand her, her teachers either pick on her or don't notice her.

The range of emotion Stewart portrays, from sheer joy with her friends, to terror, to emptiness, to courage, to a million other infinitesimally different ones, is beautiful. Her face is just incredibly expressive. It's just as interesting to watch her face as she walks down the street as to watch scenes where more action happens. I could rave about her performance forever.

The various devices the filmmakers use to tell the story are artfully employed. The mixed use of flashback and first person narration voiceover is very successful in painting a haunting picture of the mental condition of a traumatized girl. So too is the use of tree symbolism, although the whole "healing through art" thing is rather overdone in film, if you ask me. Lastly, the music was lovely and understated, setting just the right mood.

This film took a very painful subject and made it accessible to teenagers. It was heart-wrenching without being cliche. It was moving, especially because the main character was the perfect balance of fragile and strong.

I would strongly recommend this film. Especially if you want to see a 13-year-old with as much talent as a classically trained, middle-aged woman.

Rating: 4.0