Fireball (2009, Canada)

So, I watched this in an attempt to erase the memory of The Lost Samaritan out of my head and replace it with a better Ian Somerhalder. I should have known better. Hello, look at this poster. That about sums up the movie.

A violent football player, Draven, wants to get revenge on all the people who've done him wrong. Somehow his body chemistry changes and he becomes a human torch. A fire investigator and a federal suit try to track him down, as he sets fire to everything. The big finale takes place in a nuclear plant.

Yeah, terrible. This is beyond B. There are no words. Bad writing, bad acting, bad scoring, bad everything. I don't know how I made it to the end. Don't watch it.

Rating: 1.0

The Lost Samaritan (2008, Germany)

Terrible. Terrible! I was feeling the need to watch something with Ian Somerholder in it, and this was a definite mistake. An accountant has a long night at the office, and on the way home helps an injured motorist, which leads to him becoming the target of two dangerous assassins. I can't even remember how. Then he gets home to find his wife cheating on him, and the assassins follow him there, so he goes to a cafe and the waitress ends up tagging along on his adventures. How does any of this make sense? There's no clear plot, and that's the least of the problems with this travesty.

The music was way over the top music. I gather that this movie was made in Germany, and all the German actors who were supposed to be Hispanic or white Americans still had German accents. The script was ridiculous, writing beyond terrible. The one major "why" of the plot was never answered. The accountant's relationship with the waitress makes no sense. And to top it off, the girl's not even sexy and she tries too hard.

What was Ian Somerhalder thinking? He's a pretty talented actor. This was just sad.

Rating: 1.5

Wake (2008, U.S.)

It seems like I've been saying this a lot lately, but this film was truly one of a kind. It's about a girl whose sister died young. Carys can't feel anything, and she wants to be able to cry. So she uses a connection with a friend who works for a mortuary and starts going to the funerals of strangers. At one funeral, she meets Tyler, the fiancé of the young deceased. His eulogy touches her, and she finds herself lying to him about being a friend of the family. They start a friendship, they both help each other grieve, and eventually they become more than friends.

I've rarely seen such a successful genre-blend. There was the obvious drama (revolving around death and family) and romance angles. Then there was a mystery, because there's a question about how the fiancée died (and Tyler might have done it). Then there's some extreme suspense when Carys and Tyler are alone in a cabin in the woods and Carys fears for her life. There's some pretty funny black comedy. And they all blend together so well that you can never quite settle into watching; your mind has to be actively engaged in the film to keep your mental footing.

I thought that the last shot was just too easy, but otherwise, wow. It was quite a roller coaster—funny, sad, suspenseful, romantic. A great indie film that definitely deserves a wide audience. Prepare to be surprised.

Rating: 4.5