The Three Musketeers (2011, U.S.)

What an enormous letdown. I haven't read the book or seen any other adaptations, but I am familiar with the story. They seemed to stick to the general idea of the plot. Lots of action, recovery of a diamond necklace to save the queen's neck, all for one and one for all, and all that jazz.

I don't know what it was, but this movie just wasn't good. The cast was phenomenal. I mean, I love Ray Stevenson, Orlando Bloom, and Logan Lehrman; Christoph Waltz is a brilliant actor; Til Schweiger and Mads Mikkelson are two of the best typecasted bad guys in the business; and I liked Matthew Macfayden in the only thing I've seen him in (The Pillars of the Earth). So I just can't believe that such a cast could come off so silly and talentless, which leads me to believe that directing and especially scripting were a travesty. Even the funny lines just weren't funny.

Visually it was often quite engaging though anachronistic. A lot of the hair distracted me too. Bloom's looked ridiculously big, and Lehrman's looked like a wig that was going to fall off at any second. The fight scenes were  mostly well-choreographed, but they got kind of boring after awhile, especially when elements reminded me of POTC choreography. Speaking of which, there were a lot of phrases in the score that seemed to be lifted directly from POTC. I kept thinking to myself, "Oh, I just made that up, I didn't actually hear that." But then I would hear it again or hear another slightly-too-familiar phrase. That kept lurching me out of the story.

Overall, very frustrating and disappointing. Despite the fact that the cast boasts some of my must-follow actors, I wouldn't recommend this at all.

Rating: 2.0

Pirates of the Caribbean (2003, U.S.)

I was skimming through the enormous list of movies I've seen, and it was five years ago today that I first saw The Curse of the Black Pearl. Following the path started by Heath Ledger, there was another thing that led me on the journey to becoming a cinephile. Love it. (When it first came out, I saw it 8 times "in the theater"—5 in the regular theater, 1 at the dollar theater, and 2 at the Georgia Tech theater.)

This might have been when I started the print version of my movie journal. I fell in love with Johnny Depp, I fell in love with Orlando Bloom, and I fell in love with Klaus Badelt / Hans Zimmer (because apparently one takes a lot of cues from his mentor).

Anyway, of course it got the highest rating possible! Happy Anniversary, Pirates.

Rating: 5.0