The Three Musketeers (2011, U.S.)

What an enormous letdown. I haven't read the book or seen any other adaptations, but I am familiar with the story. They seemed to stick to the general idea of the plot. Lots of action, recovery of a diamond necklace to save the queen's neck, all for one and one for all, and all that jazz.

I don't know what it was, but this movie just wasn't good. The cast was phenomenal. I mean, I love Ray Stevenson, Orlando Bloom, and Logan Lehrman; Christoph Waltz is a brilliant actor; Til Schweiger and Mads Mikkelson are two of the best typecasted bad guys in the business; and I liked Matthew Macfayden in the only thing I've seen him in (The Pillars of the Earth). So I just can't believe that such a cast could come off so silly and talentless, which leads me to believe that directing and especially scripting were a travesty. Even the funny lines just weren't funny.

Visually it was often quite engaging though anachronistic. A lot of the hair distracted me too. Bloom's looked ridiculously big, and Lehrman's looked like a wig that was going to fall off at any second. The fight scenes were  mostly well-choreographed, but they got kind of boring after awhile, especially when elements reminded me of POTC choreography. Speaking of which, there were a lot of phrases in the score that seemed to be lifted directly from POTC. I kept thinking to myself, "Oh, I just made that up, I didn't actually hear that." But then I would hear it again or hear another slightly-too-familiar phrase. That kept lurching me out of the story.

Overall, very frustrating and disappointing. Despite the fact that the cast boasts some of my must-follow actors, I wouldn't recommend this at all.

Rating: 2.0

This Means War (2012, U.S.)

I'm going back and forth on this one, between liking and really liking. It certainly stands out in the romantic comedy genre with its unique plot. Spy versus spy? Perfect set up for both verbal and physical comedy, totally unrealistic but still enjoyable. Not only is the love triangle aspect pretty well done, but the focus is more on the competition between the guys that the relationships with the girl.

That being said, Reese Witherspoon totally stole the show from the guys. I think she is just great. She's strong in dramatic roles and perfect in romantic comedies, and she always adds a touch of class to the most ridiculous movies. I loved her position as a consumer product tester, which was a unique job for a heroine and also contributed some good joke potential. She was adorable dancing around her kitchen to rap music, and so witty when she basically told FDR (who tried to pick her up in the video store by choosing a movie for her) that she could pick apart his moves and she obviously wasn't he was looking for. She was great. I liked Chris Pine as FDR—very cute, very full of himself, very smooth. But I really loved Tom Hardy as Tuck—modest, adorable, thoughtful, not shy so much as reserved. (Side note: while I was imdb-ing this movie, I saw a discussion board about how ugly his teeth are and how they detract from his appearance. It's funny, if you search for pictures of him online, you only find him with his mouth closed. But I never noticed his teeth, so I guess they added to his character.)

I didn't see the ending coming at all, including who she would choose. My friend explained to me why she had to choose the one she did, but I was rooting for the other team, so I didn't like it! Still it was surprising and fun, so I'll bump it up above the standard romantic comedy 3.5.

Rating: 4.0

Inglourious Basterds (2009, U.S.)

What a bizarre film. A French Jewish girl whose family was murdered by Nazis grows up to own a theater where a group of the highest echelon of Nazis is going to the premier of a propaganda film. Meanwhile, a group of Jewish American soldiers is running around sniping Nazi officers. There's also a German actress spying for the Allies. All of these people bump together in a giant plot to assassinate the Nazi high command.

I guess the point here was to have an alternate history, and it was almost believable. However, I have never seen so much over-acting in my life. Again, this is probably what they were going for, but it was just hard to take these people seriously when they were caricatures of characters.

On the bright side, there was not an overwhelming, nauseating amount of violence, which you would expect from Tarantino.

Still, the best I can say for it was that it was okay.

Rating: 3.0