Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011, U.S.)

I just don't know what to say about this one, so I won't say much. I think the whole thing is just tired. I loved the first one when it came out (so much that I saw it 8 times in the theater before buying it on DVD the day it came out). I really liked the second and third ones (when nobody else seemed to), though I thought they should stand alone more like the first one did. Now somehow, I was really disappointed by POTC4, while every other review I've read seems to call it as good as the first one or even the best of the four. What?!

Change is good, and their stories were definitely complete, but that didn't stop me from missing Will and Elizabeth. Instead, Penelope Cruz appears as a former flame of Jack's. Now normally she irritates me to no end, but I thought she was actually pretty good in this movie and even had believable chemistry with Depp (who, I doubt I have to tell you, was just as awesome as ever). But then we have her father Blackbeard, played by Ian McShane. They keep talking about how evil he was, but I just didn't see it. He definitely wasn't as evil as Davy Jones, he wasn't as evil as Cutler Beckett. Heck, he wasn't as evil as Barbossa was in the first movie. This was especially disappointing because normally I find Ian McShane to be a very strong actor. So that's it for new main characters. Secondary characters? Forget about it! There was no Pintel and Ragetti, no Annamaria, no Mr. Cotton (or parrot), no midget worth his salt, no Marines-turned-pirates. Even Mr. Gibbs was rather blah in all this. Instead, we have a priest who was captured by Blackbeard, who is constantly preaching about the importance of faith and who falls in love with a mermaid. The preaching was downright annoying, and the romance was a chemistry-less flop. (No pun intended. Get it? Mermaid!)

The plot was also a huge disappointment. The third movie sets up the story of Jack off to find the Fountain of Youth, because he's terrified of death and wants to live forever. Instead, we find him on a quest for the fountain of youth for somebody else, and he doesn't seem that disappointed when it's not for him. That just doesn't make sense for his character, which further illustrates how badly done the characters were in this movie. Actually, I was really excited in the beginning because it started off with an amazing bang. Jack fights with a pirate who's masquerading as Sparrow, and their fight scene is beautifully choreographed and actually someone reminiscent of the Jack/Will sword fight in the first one. Then Jack is captured and brought before the king of England. Their scene together is great, especially Jack's escape attempt when he's almost more focused on getting a bite of cupcake than getting away. (That is classic Jack, so you can see why I had a good feeling about the movie.) Then he's tearing through the streets in a carriage filmed with flaming coal, which was pretty sweet, and I'm still thinking, "This movie is going to be great." And then he hooks up with Blackbeard, and it's all downhill from there. The remainder of the plot is meandering and boring, especially when added to the flat characters. There are extra plot points (like the whole mermaid thing, and especially the mermaid/preacher romance) that could have been left out entirely or at least done much, much better. Then the ending makes no sense at all. What a travesty.

On top of all that, the score was underwhelming. I had listened to the previews on iTunes before seeing the movie, and it seemed very guitar heavy (like they were going for a more modern South American/Caribbean feel) and didn't quite work. In the context of the movie it was passable, but it didn't stand out and it wasn't nearly as memorable as the first three scores. Like the stories, the music is getting tired too.

There were some pretty awesome special effects. I already mentioned the fiery coal carriage careening through the streets. The other awesome thing was that Blackbeard keeps all the ships that he has defeated in bottles in a cabinet on his ship. The bottles were full of thunder and lighting and crashing waves, and ***spoiler alert*** even Cotton's parrot appeared in the bottle with the trapped Black Pearl. Because of this whole bottle thing, a definite sequel is implied. It could be good, based on the hints, but then the whole search for the Fountain of Youth hinted at in At World's End sounded good too. So we'll see.

Rating: 2.5

Cutthroat Island (1995, U.S.)

I didn't realize this when I watched it, but apparently this movie bankrupted the production company and is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the biggest box office flop of all time.

I didn't think it was that bad, though it was very 1995. The score was no Pirates of the Caribbean, but it was pretty good pirate movie music nonetheless. The plot was decent plot, and the script was sprinkled with mildly amusing one-liners and good fight scenes.

Every now and then I would notice an anachronism, such as the cannons not rolling backwards when fired in an early fight scene, but in a later scene they were. Small compared to the whole female pirate, treasure maps on scalps, and other odd elements of the story.

Still, if you like campy pirate flicks, this one's for you.

Rating: 3.0

The Goonies (1985, U.S.)

Apparently I am not a true child of my generation since I had yet to see The Goonies. So now I've seen it, and all is right with the world again.

I have to say, it wasn't terrible. It was a good adventure story, and the acting wasn't that bad, for a bunch of kids. Sean Astin was absolutely adorable, and his character was completely believable. I still can't believe that was Josh Brolin playing his older brother—the last film I saw him in was W. Of course, the one I loved the most was Jonathan Ke Quan, who most people would know as Short Round. His character was quite similar to that in Temple of Doom, but with a James Bond twist. Very cute! The interaction between all of the kids was really well played, as if they really had known each other their whole lives.

The story was a cool adventure for young kids (and I guess older ones too). Hidden tunnels, opera singing villians, pirate ships, and, perhaps most importantly, kids who are able to do something to save their neighborhood—but in a cool way. Most of the "even the smallest person can do big things" stories don't involve such fun adventures that the average child would love to participate in.

I think the thing I liked the least about the whole thing was Sloth. Without him, you could almost believe that this all may happen to a group of neighborhood kids, but with "the thing" wandering around, it just doesn't seem as realistic.

Still, I can definitely see why this one was so popular in the '80s.

Rating: 3.0