Cowboys & Aliens (2011, U.S.)

This is not my kind of movie at all. Yes, I like science fiction, and yes, I've recently discovered that I like some westerns, but I would never see this movie in a million years. But. Daniel Craig! Harrison Ford! I would have been missing out if I'd missed it, so thank goodness for that.

I had no idea what it was even about (aside from the obvious cowboys and aliens) before I went to see it, so I will fill in a bare bones plot here. Basically a man (who turns out to be Jake Lonegan, played by Craig) wakes up with no memory of who he is and with a weird mechanical cuff attached to his wrist. It is revealed quickly that he is, for want of a better word, quite a badass. He can fight. He's witty. And let's face it, nobody looks sexier in chaps and a cowboy hat. Nobody. (That alone makes the entire movie worth watching. Seriously. He's that sexy.) When he finds his way to town, alien aircraft start snatching the townsfolk out of the sky, including the son of the rich cattle baron Dolarhyde (played by Ford). The remaining townsfolk (woman played by Wilde, a young boy, a dog, a preacher, the doctor/store owner, Dolarhyde, and Lonegan) head out to find the aliens and get their kin back. In the process, they have some very scary encounters and discover what exactly the aliens are after.

Visually, the movie was pretty awesome. The western scenery was sometimes stark, sometimes beautiful. (On that note, the score felt the same way. It had a western feel and not a sci-fi feel. Even when the music said "the aliens are coming!" it could have just as easily been "the Indians are coming!" or "a stampede is coming!") The costumes seemed very accurate (except perhaps the tightness of Craig's chaps, and I am definitely not complaining about that). The spaceships were cool. The alien's home base was dank and creepy. The one thing I didn't like (which is probably why I don't like alien movies in general) is how disgusting the aliens were. Don't get me wrong, they were really well done, and I know they're the bad guys, but do they really have to be so slimy and nasty? I mean, their chest cavities open and they have extra three-fingered hands in there next to their pulsing heart/lungs/whatever it is. Disgusting. Effective I guess, but yech! Also they like to use their teeth on people, which is vile. That excessive violence and gore and yuckiness just isn't my thing, so that took away from the experience.

Still, the more I thought about this movie after the fact, the more I liked it. Yes, the ending felt a little too easy, but the journey was more important. It had the feel of an old western, but without the racist portrayal of Indian enemies. Instead, the enemies were really nasty, greedy extraterrestrials. And when that concept feels so plausible, you have to admit that the movie was well done. Some aspects, like Lonegan's mind-activated weapon cuff thing, seem a bit ridiculous when you think about them, but somehow it still doesn't require the suspension of disbelief that you'd expect. It's hard to explain.

The acting was, of course, phenomenal. The supporting cast was made up of actors with a lot of talent and familiar faces. Ford was on the ball, and it was nice to see him in a role that accepted his age, didn't treat him as a romantic hero, and let his talent shine in another form. And Daniel Craig. Wow. I already mentioned the sex appeal, of course, but his acting talent is practically unparalleled. He has the most expressive face I have ever seen. Just his eyes convey so much. (I always say he has the best crazed man expression, with darting eyes and heavy breathing.) Even when he's perfectly still, all the way down to his face muscles, you can see countless emotions flickering through his eyes. It's fascinating to watch. In this role, like his role as Bond, he is manly, in charge, and yet emotionally weak (though he tries to hide it). He also plays his humorous lines and physical comedy (mostly involving Dolarhyde's idiot son) with this understated feel and a straight face. Brilliant. (Another positive aspect of the film was the writing, which was sometimes funny in very straight-shooting, serious, dry, manly sort of way, if you get my meaning.) Basically, my reasons for seeing this movie, Ford and Craig, were what made it stand out so much. It would have been okay, and even good, without them, but they made it as great as it is.

I'd recommend this to the right sort of viewer, and even to those who think this might be a bit out of their comfort zone. You just have to see it to appreciate it!

Rating: 3.5

Morning Glory (2010, U.S.)

I had absolutely no idea what this movie was going to be about, but I saw it just because I adore Rachel McAdams. It was really a unique film. A young television producer gets a new position and must revive a struggling morning show program that consistently falls behind Good Morning America and its ilk. She fires the sleazy male cohost and lands a star news reporter (through a loop in his contract) who hates morning shows and constantly fights with the producer, his cohost, and everyone else.

Basically, this was a great ensemble drama with a slight twist of witty comedy. Harrison Ford, Diane Keaton, Rachel McAdams, Patrick Wilson, and Jeff Goldblum wove their parts together in seamless harmony. It was very cleverly written and a lot of fun. On the other hand, the drama side really makes you root for the show and hope it gets better ratings, even if you (like me) aren't the kind of person that cares about morning shows at all.

I liked this one quite a bit, but I especially bumped it up from 3.5 to 4.0 just for Rachel McAdams. She's just so cute, savvy, sexy, and spunky. I love her. Did I mention that?

Rating: 4.0

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008, U.S.)

I had low expectations. The reality was much worse.

Never in my life have I seen such a classic part of American culture destroyed as utterly as this fourth installment did to Indiana Jones. It was terrible. Okay, so it took place in 1957 instead of 1938. There were (not-so-evil) Russian communists instead of (scum-of-the-planet) German Nazis. Harrison Ford is 66 years old. It took a bit of getting used to, but in the first 15 minutes or half hour, I thought I could handle it. Wrong.

First: Aliens. This is Indiana Jones, not Alien or ET or even Star Wars. Jones is an archaeologist, not some SETI freak. The whole crystal skull/alien intelligence/UFO plot line was so absolutely ridiculous and just wrong. It totally lacked in the history that I so loved about the series. I mean, ALIENS?

Second: Weird animals. There were the damn gophers that kept showing up everywhere, like they knew what was happening. Very Caddy Shack. Very lame. Then there were the monkeys swinging through the trees with Mutt. Silly. Worst of all were the man eating giant ants, who seemed to have human-like intelligence and who devoured men whole. Disgusting, and very King Kong. (And I didn't even like that whole man-eating bug scenario in King Kong, where it fit much better.)

Third: CGI. One of the greatest things about the original trilogy was how realistic and believable it was, because they used stuntmen instead of computer tricks. I know that we live in a modern world with new technology that can do great things for film, but. It's one thing to make distant planets or create lifeforms like Ents or unicorns, but when it comes to things that are meant to be part of our own reality, nothing will look better than the real thing. But maybe that's the point. Did I mention this movie was about aliens? Speaking of which, the ending was so far beyond stupid that I was left speechless. (Though I guess in terms of "appearances," it was realistic.) I miss the melting faces and the corny hyper-aging and the ripping out of hearts from my beloved '80s franchise.

Fourth: While talking action sequences... Travesty of all travesties, there was no whip-swinging. That is not Indiana Jones.

Fifth: Lack of witty dialogue. The old snappy Jones just wasn't there. (Although to be fair, I might have missed a line or two... or ten... because the speakers in the theater were so whacked I couldn't hear the talking over the music half the time.) This would have been a great time to reuse the whole "It's not the years, it's the mileage" line. It might have been redundant, but at least it would remind us that once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, our favorite films about archeology didn't suck. And that George Lucas knew that the alien-hunting Harrison Ford was Han Solo, not Indiana Jones. Who knew I would ever long for the '80s? And David Koepp has written some great screenplays. What was this?

Sixth: Plot. Or was there one? It was so convoluted and senseless. The genius of the earlier films lay in their simplicity. "Don't mess with things you don't understand, respect history and every man's deities. And P.S., Nazis are evil." Sensible. "Quests to possess alien intelligence can only make your head explode." Not insensible, per se, but not normal either.

Seventh: Score. Yeah, it was John Williams. Yeah, some of the original themes were reused well. Yeah, it fit into the movie fairly well. But for the most part, it was kind of blah. I wonder if Williams is losing it.

There were some good points, I suppose. To be fair to the witty dialogue, there was one particularly great line: "Any last words?" "I like Ike." Lame but funny. Also, Jones climbs into a lead-lined refrigerator in order to protect himself from a nuclear test in the Nevada desert. Completely unbelievable, but somewhat entertaining.

In terms of characters... Shia LaBeouf's Mutt was very '50s, which helped remind the viewer of the new setting. (Corny name -- Indy named himself after his dog, Mutt essentially calls himself a dog.) Anyway, his relationship with Indy was a pretty interesting diversion from the horrible plot. (Although if you ask me, it could have been developed more.) The return of Marion Ravenwood was a thrill -- she was always my favorite of Indy's girls. (So she'd mostly lost her spark, but she could have been worse.) Cate Blanchett made an excellent Soviet scientist. Just when you thought she couldn't be any more versatile, she dons a black wig, grabs a rapier, and affects an Eastern European accent. I really do love her.

Someone who reviewed this movie on imdb.com said that it wasn't just bad, it was embarrassing. I definitely agree. So to quote this poster, wraith08: "This movie almost has to be seen to be believed. People sit in the theater with astonished looks on their faces, possibly thinking... 'After 19 years and several rejected scripts, George Lucas AND Steven Spielberg AND Harrison Ford all agreed and gave the green light on THIS SCRIPT???'"

I couldn't believe it myself. I sat gaping at the screen in shock, mouth open in horror. It was just that awful. The best I can do is rewatch the originals sometime in the next couple of weeks and hope that, over time, all knowledge of this wretched, embarrassing film will fade forever from my memory. Yeah, it's that bad. I'm still in pain.

Rating: 1.0