Bride and Prejudice (2004, UK)

I never felt the urge to watch this movie, but sometimes you have to do things that make your friends happy. Well, this film did not make me very happy. To be fair, I have to say that I will never see anyone but Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. (I even refuse to see the 2005 version, much to many people's consternation.)

I will say a few good things about it. Mostly, I loved the Bollywood aspect. When people just randomly broke into choreographed song and dance in the middle of the street or a party, it was awesome. Especially when Naveen Andrews was involved, and looking so sexy.

Otherwise, it was pretty dumb. There was no chemistry between the actors, bad acting (I know one of my friends loves Martin Henderson, but please), bad writing... Miss Austen would not be pleased. Just say no.

Rating: 2.5

Torque (2004, U.S.)

Would you like to see a terrible action movie often hailed as The Fast and the Furious on Motorcycles? If so, look no further! Before I have to say anything else, I have to defend myself by saying that I watched this movie with a bunch of friends on a B-movie night. So I knew it would be bad.

There are a lot of motorcycles. I guess they're cool. There are rival bike gangs, who are beyond lame. Also, one of the gangs is primarily black, and it is incredibly racist. I mean really, Ice Cube? (Not "Why did they cast him?" but "Why would he do it?") Also, the few Asians in the film were beyond stereotypical. We called the main Asian character Red Dragon, because he wore a red dragon biker jacket. Painful.

The plot was insubstantial: good guy framed for murder must prove his innocence, which involves a lot of motorcycle stunts and explosives, of course. He has a "sexy" love interest, but several of us were in agreement that this woman (although in her late 20s) looked old and worn out. Yuck.

Basically, it sucked. But the lead actor was kind of cool in the delivery of his lines... "Why yes, this is a terrible movie and my lines are even worse, but look at my over-the-top bad boy smirk!" Oh yeah.

Rating: 1.5